Fast forward 7 years Part 2. Life after the loss of my father

 

After the loss of my father everything changed.

The loss of my father hit me hard, I knew that he was happy, and with the Lord, but my world seemed empty, as did our house.  I had a lot of talks with my father as he was facing the end of his life.  We spoke of regrets and dreams.  He told me “Don’t have any regrets” it was one of the things that made him sad, that he had too many regrets in his life.  He knew that we wanted to move to Florida, He knew how much I wanted to be near the water and how being near the water made me feel close to God.  He told me "when I’m gone, go live your life, enjoy the adventure". So, as hard as it was, we put the house up for sale and with lots of hugs and tears we said goodbye to family, friends and Colorado and found a new home in Florida. 

“Just the two of Us”. That’s the song that kept running through my mind as we drove across country to our new home, that we had only seen online.  I was filled with anxiety as we got closer. We pulled in the driveway, and it was exactly what we wanted.  I took a breath and felt like it was the first time in quite a while that I could breathe.  We walked through the house and other than some small changes it was perfect, I ventured outside and smiled as I looked up, I had a palm tree in my yard, something I never thought I would have. As we sat by the pool and just took it all in, I cried. It seemed like I had dreamed of this for so long and now it had come true.  

All I could think is God is Good.

                                                       

I had never lived outside of Colorado and felt like a fish out of water.  Everything was different, the scenery, the weather, and the flatness. It seemed to bring my husband and I closer together as we had no one else to lean on. With the help of some great neighbors, we found our way around, a place to shop, where the home depot was, (very important when you have a new house), where to eat (especially pizza, a true necessity) and most importantly a Church. Bert had promised that we would meet friends so as soon as we could, we ventured off to a meeting for new residence and that night again changed our lives.

We met a group of friends that moved to Florida all with the same dream and immediately felt like they were family.  I tell everyone, “I met family I didn’t know I had” Even though that was over 3 years ago I feel like it was yesterday.  Our lives here were busy, our days were filled with fun, friends, sun and relaxation. 

This move refreshed my sole and allowed me to feel like the next chapter of our life as Seniors in paradise was going to be amazing.  But was it........

I will leave it there for this week, except my son Anthony said that "I should leave each blog with a lesson learned".  So here is it: No matter how old you are don’t settle. Don’t let the fear of change put walls up around you. If you have a chance to reach for your dream, stretch out your hand and grab it.  If it is meant to be God will show you the way.  Have faith not only in yourself, but your partner and most of all in God.  If you fail it is okay at least you tried and you will as my father said you will “have no regrets”

Lets fast forward 7 years to 2025 and now I'm 65.

 
Wow how time flies and as humans we seem to put things off till tomorrow and all of a sudden it's 7 years later.  We have gone through a very strange period through these 7 years.  Pandemic, retirement, additional grandchildren, caretaker, lose of my father, lose of friends, moving to Florida, new friends, numerous trips, and new found faith.  I cannot express in words the multiple emotions I have felt, the numerous tears that I have cried happy and sad, the fears that I have faced and the anxiety that I have had and am still trying to overcome.

So many stories, so many moments, so many memories.  Where do a start?  Which do I share? What has meaning, and what will bring me peace as I figure out life at 65? 

When I try to put things into perspective it all becomes a blur.  I've been told that writing is cathartic and that is what scares me. If I put down my feelings, they becomes real and not just a passing glance of my past, but a reality in black and white that I have to really try to understand.  Maybe that is what I need, someway to bring not only the last 7 years of my life but my entire being into focus.  I will be forced to see all the shadows that may still be lingering, and open doors to my soul to see if any of it can shine a light on why I am, where I am, now at 65.

 

Our Easter that year with only 2 at the table 

         

The Pandemic brought me a new awareness of my relationship with my husband.  I have always said be careful of what you wish for, because you may just get it.  I have and am still enjoying 42 years of marriage more than half my life with my wonderful husband.  For many years we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. as our many obligations, work schedules, children and life choices got in the way. 

Bert made a very important job choice in 2020, but as you may know we make plans and God laughs. His life change brought him to early retirement right at the beginning of the Pandemic. Then the Pandemic forced 2 people who never had lived as only a couple, (as I came with a ready made family) to suddenly spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week together. Just us, a big house, a TV, with the only outside communication being video calls with family and friends. Even my business was placed on hold.  For many years I prayed that one day me and my husband would have a normal married life with regular hours, where we would get to spend more time together and finally God said in all his wisdom and sense of humor "here you go".  I was afraid, what if we don't like each other, but we did it, we found out that we were good together. After 27 years of only saying hi and goodbye with a kiss and see you later, many times only having Sundays together we were brought to the reality, that we really did love each other even more interesting we liked each other. 

During this time my father started to struggle he was 95 and his age was catching up on him.  Seeing rolls reversed where you become the parent of your parent is a struggle that I never wanted to experience but again God gives you paths to walk and mountains to climb and valleys to go through that you never expect.  My father had to be moved into my brothers house and for many months my husband and I went over to help him take care of the man that we looked up to as our hero. As this strong man I leaned on as a child, who picked me up and danced with me, kissed my forehead  and taught me not be afraid of anything, because God was always with me, became more and more frail, my husband and I brought him into our home.  I saw the face of an angel on my husbands face each day, as for 4 months my husband never left his side and took care of his every need.  Yes I was there but my father was a proud Italian man and didn't want his daughter to see him this way.  He always wanted me to see him as my hero.  There were many, many struggles and moments that tore at my heart. Each day we woke up not knowing what to expect. 

Many days I was upset with God as I didn't understand why this time of life is so hard and why I had to witness the dimming of the light that was always shown in my father's eyes. I understand that Jesus suffered humiliation and pain as he hung on the cross, but seeing my father become so dependent and suffer humility in his weakness tore at my heart. It was a concept that I never wanted to understand and still, as we walked with him toward his journey home to the Lord, we learned many lessons. Such as, patience, never assume you have tomorrow, stay close to Lord and count your blessing everyday, never have any regrets, and you can never say I love you to much. 

I will end part I with something my father said to me shortly before he died.  He asked me "what if everything I have always believed about heaven and Jesus is wrong"  I told him that "I would rather believe and hope in the Lord then have to be asked by Lord in the end why I didn't LOVE HIM.  

Hopefully you enjoyed this and will subscribe and follow me for Part 2 next week. 

Catching up to 2019, Israel, Caribbean, Germany, Italy and Windsor.

Last December we were returning from another adventure and learned many wonderful options for our clients. We visited Israel a historical and amazing land and country.  Everyone sees this amazing land with very different eyes and since we were there with other agents from all over the world. Different ages, genders and religions, we were able to see it through many different eyes. 

Since then we were blessed to visit, the Caribbean aboard a wonderful Royal Caribbean ship. We also were able to visit Munich Germany as well as some wonderful Bavarian villages, to end that trip we travel by train to Italy and spent 10 days visiting the land of my ancestors and had a short stop in Windsor England.   

2018 was a wonderful year and as I catch up on my blogging please watch for articles to come describing my travels, my travel dreams and me view on life through the eyes of a travel agent, wife, mother and grandmother.