Where are you Christmas?

“Where are you Christmas, why can’t I find you.”  Yep that’s how I have felt this last week.As you can see the house is decorated, the tree is ready, but something is different.  The empty nest syndrome has hit me hard as Christmas approaches.  Christmas season has a whole new perspective when you don’t have children around.  Bert and I went to a Christmas party last night and as I watched all the children visiting Santa, I saw an excitement and anticipation in their eyes that you don’t see at any other time, but I also watched the parents and I could see that spark in their eyes, you could see their excitement as they watched their hopeful children ask for their Christmas wishes. I know that my son’s are grown adults; I know they are all out fulfilling their dreams.  I understand that my job duties as a mother have changed and I’m proud that I raised such independent boys, but somehow, I still feel something is missing. I think it’s the noise and commotion. The quiet in the house is deafening and lonely. I love my husband and I am glad that he is here with me, being together at least lessens the loneliness. I know the Christmas magic will find me, I know that as my baking starts, and as friends and family start to gather, I will get out of this fog and I can’t wait to hear that little whisper saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” in my heart starts to yell in my head.  

Until that time, I have been trying to keeping busy, finished some more training, and learned all about guided land tours through Traflager,(if you are interested in a wonderful vacation, even here in the United States, let me know. There is some great information out there).  Also, I finished my newsletter, it was quite a challenge and I hope to keep it as informative as possible. I have also found some new exercises to try so that when the warm weather comes back I can feel good in summer clothes. 

So if you are experiencing loneliness this season or have a house that is too quiet, please know that you are not alone, I’m right there with you. I hope that you can feel my love come through this blog to each one of you, being able to write this and knowing that someone out there is reading this has been very cathartic for this lonely mom. 

Have a great weekend.  I hope you are all hearing MERRY CHRISTMAS yell in your head.

Buona sera e presto, Good night and see you soon.

The Journey Begins

Have you ever looked in a mirror and can’t see anything, but a silhouette.  For years when I looked in a mirror I saw an active young mother.  That was who I was, that was my identity.  Then all of a sudden I turned 50, my sons moved away and I looked in the mirror and I thought OMG where do I go from here?  My husband and I had never been” just a couple”, since I came with a readymade family, and now that the kids were gone, all I could think about is what if we don’t like each other.  I had no real career just jobs to pay the bills, no real hobbies to throw myself into, so I decided I needed to make some changes.  I needed to make myself more desirable, interesting and necessary. 

Step one- my son got me a WII for Christmas and the overhaul began.  Now you have to understand I haven’t played or used a video games since Pac Man, so I wasn’t really sure this would work plus  I haven’t really exercised (other than the first few weeks  at the beginning of a new year with each resolution) since gym class in 9^th grade. I had a lot of work to do. I read everything I could, did lots of online investigation on exercise, created an at home gym, (because face it we all have all the equipment that just keeps gathering dust) and the journey began. It was very hard to stay disciplined but I knew I had to keep going.

Step two – For the last 20 years it became routine to eat on the run, between practices, games, school events, PTA meetings and other kid activities, healthy eating wasn’t a priority. My husband worked nights for 20 years so making nice dinners became a weekend thing. I am a very good cook but eating well on Sundays only, isn’t good for the waistline, and I had developed a very good relationship with fast food.   So I overhauled my shopping list, started watching my calories and fat intake, NO PILLS or special diets and it’s amazing with a little hard work and sacrifice you CAN lose weight.  It doesn’t come off as fast as you would like it to.  You see I have a little bit of an instant gratification mentality and I had to get over it.  But 6 months later I’m 30 pounds slimmer.  Now don’t get to excited I’m not that flat stomached super model everyone wants to be. You see I am a 50 year old 5 foot 1 and ½. (Don’t forget the half) Italian lady that still loves to eat, but I’m a lot better than I used to be, and I recently ran a 5K which in my world was as monumental as climbing Mt. Everest.  

Step three – Learn to be a wife.  I decided that I needed to rekindle a new, exciting and grownup relationship with this man that I have been married to for 28 years.  Love sure is different when your 50 than when you are 15.   This step I am still working on.  Date nights, trips and a lot of moral support are helping. 

So Now, I am healthier, slimmer, learning how to be a wife, not just a mother, and it was time to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up. You know 50 is the new 30, or is it 40 oh well it doesn’t matter because anyone who knows me knows that I may get older but will never grow up. 

Step four – Make myself and my life more interesting.  So I looked deep into what I would love to do and get paid for.  It had to be legal. It couldn’t cost me much and I needed to have a passion for it.  TRAVEL, it’s what I always wanted to do and I loved planning trips and events in my past jobs.  That’s it, that’s the direction I would take, but after searching and searching no one was going to pay me to travel to new and exciting places.  The world was not yet my oyster.  But maybe I could get paid to plan other people’s adventures.  After networking (thank God for Facebook) the world of a travel agent is within my grasp. I can plan trips for groups, families, corporations, learn about the world and all it has to offer.  That’s it I will get paid to live vicariously through other people’s travel.  A new and exciting life is just beginning and I want to share it all with whoever will listen.  So I hope someone out there is reading this and will talk back to me.  As I’ve been told I’m a little crazy but haven’t gotten to the point where I talk to myself, (well not in public, at least.) 

So stayed tuned in see where this new path in life takes me.  I will keep you updated on all the ups and downs of my journey, downs because I’ve been told you can’t have rainbows without the rain and I need that rainbow to keep shinning so I can find my pot of gold.  (I will share).  Please post your comments, encouragement s ideas and suggestions so I don’t feel all alone.  I will try to write at least once a week, cause face it I’m not THAT interesting yet to write daily. Love you all; wish me luck and God Bless.